


Strippers, friends, and other naked lies.

by lm_xzy



Category: Heaven Official's Blessing, 天官赐福 - 墨香铜臭 | Tiān Guān Cì Fú - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Adults, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And a b-tch who ruins it all, Bullying, Cuocuo is learning to talk, FengQing, Fluff and Angst, Grocery Shopping, Hurt/Comfort, Im not a childcare expert ok, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lies, M/M, Misunderstandings?, Neighbors, domestic-ish, minor beefleaf, single dad Feng Xin, stripper Mu Qing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lm_xzy/pseuds/lm_xzy
Summary: It is a strange thing - life, feelings, habits - it can all change without a warning. And Feng Xin knows this all too well... A struggling single dad, trying his best to find his way through all the deceits and lies that keep shitting him in the face. And what does his neighbor have to do anything with it? And why again, did Feng Xin hate him so much?_______(or, Feng Xin knocks on Mu Qing's door in the middle of the night - one not wearing pants, the other showing his nipples - and oh, there's a screaming child too)
Relationships: Fēng Xìn/Mù Qíng
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99





	Strippers, friends, and other naked lies.

Feng Xin was dog-tired, pooped, spent - absolutely and totally exhausted. Leaning against the hardwood door, eyes closed against his own volition. Finally home again. 

The past twenty four hours had been nothing but a shitshow. Remembering that, Feng Xin was hit with a creeping panic forcefully clutching his chest and shaking his knees. 

The silence was earsplitting - it was not supposed to be this silent. 

It all began last night, standing outside his (least favorite) neighbor's door, banging like a lunatic an hour before midnight on a Sunday. Cuocuo wouldn’t stop crying and Xie Lian didn’t pick up and fuck, Feng Xin felt so lost. 

Naturally, he had been met with a standard _‘-the fuck you want?’_ but for once Feng Xin had managed to ignore that disgustingly apathetic, monotone voice. For once, he had not resorted to equally foulmouthed spitting like before.

Before - before Cuocuo, before Jian Lan, before the break up, before all this. 

Somehow his neighbor had understood Feng Xin’s gasping spit of incoherent words. A pale, crying toddler said it all. And an equally pale man, red in his eyes, hair as mess, shirt inside out, only highlighting the urgency. To be honest, it wasn't too obvious who was the sick one, if not both of them… 

The next response had been a simple _‘Pants-’_ (because in all this mess Feng Xin was somehow only wearing his underwear on the bottom) as the neighbor took Cuocuo in his arms and languidly yet decidedly strode toward the garage. 

Already small for his age, now even smaller as the sickness weighed heavy, Cuocuo looked ridiculously tiny in those tattooed, muscled arms. 

The neighbor had taken Feng Xin and Cuocuo to the hospital in his sumptuous Dragon Lamborghini Aventador. Obviously a car of a rich bachelor - born a silver spoon in up his ass - and for some reason Feng Xin was boiling with whatever emotion he was still able to feel in this feverish state. 

Who knows why, but the neighbor eventually stayed behind. Of course, Feng Xin had time and again reassured it would be alright for him to leave (aka. tried to persuade him to fuck off), slightly bothered by this unexpected kindness (because even Feng Xin knows a fuck off is not the best way to show gratitude). 

So there in the small entrance hall, sitting next to Feng Xin, the neighbor patiently waited throughout the night.

And what a look. Nipples visible through the black mesh-shirt, conspicuous tattoos painting his sculpted bare arms, leather pants hugging rather too showingly - clearly not dressed for a public space like the hospital. 

Feng Xin could only make a silent conclusion that he had been on his way to work. ‘A man of the night’ - that’s what Feng Xin had been calling him without caring to ask for his profession. What else could he be? Home all days, only leaving when the evening turns dark. Dramatic makeup and dressed this suggestively. 

In stark contrast, Feng Xin’s deep auburn locks seemed to be in dire need of a shower, not even a hairbrush could possibly salvage this situation. His face adorned with eyebags heavy as a sack of bricks, snot painted across his chest, suspicious stains on the thighs of his jeans. 

A funny sight, the two of them sitting next to each other, looking like night and day. Feng Xin as one of those days when nothing goes as planned; his neighbor as a million dollar night of dangling chandeliers, expensive champagne fountains, and miles of tailored suits and gowns. 

They talked a little - and Feng Xin realized that monotone voice wasn’t so atrocious after all, it carried a certain calming tune, nothing pretentious but rather oddly friendly and comforting - but mostly they sat in an almost comfortable silence. 

In the early morning they eventually made it back home. Cuocuo had come down with a mild ear infection, nothing to worry about. Sure it was painful and had caused a rising fever, but he would be alright. 

As Feng Xin had laid Cuocuo to sleep it was already time to get ready for work. He’s a history teacher at the local high school; been working there since he moved here. 

Normally, in a situation like this, you would take a sick-day or two. But Feng Xin couldn’t afford it. He had never struggled financially, but due to recent circumstances, he had been labeled the black sheep among the teachers. 

Feng Xin hadn’t realized the neighbor had walked into this apartment behind him and was still there, until in the middle of his cursing fire of what the hell to do, the neighbor had raised his voice to suggest he could babysit Cuocuo for the day. 

Now in hindsight - had Feng Xing been too quick to trust this neighbor he really knew nothing of? What if he wasn’t a man of the night but a man of the underworld? How could Feng Xin so easily had left his child with this complete stranger?

What even was this neighbor’s name?

Returning from an arduous day of teaching unruly teenagers - (today had been even more troublesome than usual and not because of his lack of sleep) - Feng Xin cautiously sneaked through his own apartment, not ready to face whatever nightmare that would appear around the corner.

The neverending screaming and crying from last night now but a memory Feng Xin direly wished he could rewind. Anything to make even the slightest sound in this dreadfully quiet apartment. 

There, on the living room floor lay a man, now dressed in two sizes too small sweatsuit, hair sprawled across the floor like a spring stream of silver. And on top of that broad heaving chest, a toddler in equally peaceful sleep. 

The clutching in Feng Xin’s chest transformed, resulting in a perplexing feeling - relief and… a sting of adoration? It didn’t matter what it was, too tired to think more about it. Finally he could breathe, a light huff of laughter escaping as he watched the two snoring on the floor. 

Only now did Feng Xin realize that was his sweatsuit - how could it be so small on a man only slightly taller? The questionable stains decorating the gray sweats gave an indication the day hadn’t been too easy. With a quick look around, Feng Xin couldn’t remember it had been this messy in the morning?

All that considered, they seemed fine enough now sleeping together on the floor. He must be exhausted too… 

_Mu Qing._ Mu Qing, was his name, Feng Xin finally remembered. 

Feng Xin couldn’t bring himself to wake up the sleeping beauties, and soon he too had fallen asleep on the couch from where he protectively had been able to watch them. 

* * *

That day Feng Xin had woken up on the couch to a mouthwatering smell from the kitchen and for a brief second he was alarmed that he had fallen asleep in a stranger's house. But there in his very own (and now very much clean) kitchen stood his neighbor - _Mu Qing_ \- Cuocuo fastened on his chest, lightly humming for the baby as his strong hands skillfully mastered the cooking like it was the most natural thing to do. 

And so the following week continued. Cuocuo was still too ill to be sent to the daycare and Feng Xin gave up trying to oppose Mu Qing who so calmly but determinedly reassured he would stay with Cuocuo in the days. 

It was nice, not having to worry about what to do. It was nice, seeing Cuocuo enjoying the company of Mu Qing and Mu Qing being strangely good with Cuocuo. It was nice, to come home to the smell of a home cooked meal, no more instant ramen and takeaway dinners. It was all so fucking nice that Feng Xin didn't even bother to care at the moment. 

However, Friday came around and Feng Xin was ready to go home for the day, oddly uneasy about the weekend ahead. He almost didn’t realize the sudden chill change in the air, the usual chatter turning into heated whispers, a feeling of one too many eyes turning in the same direction.

Rummaging through his briefcase, carelessly reorganizing his desk, trying to find-

“If you’re looking for your reading glasses, they’re on your head.”

The voice was familiar, however, very misplaced to be heard in this school. 

Next to Feng Xin stood Mu Qing, broad and eye-catching yet that expression stolid as ever. But what his expression lacked, the toddler on his arm made up for, with bright eyes and melodious giggles. Out of instinct, without thinking, Feng Xin leaned forward to kiss his child. 

Startled by his own action, finding his face so awfully close to that muscular chest, Feng Xin gawkily straightened his back again.

“What brings you here?” Feng Xin tried to sound as nonchalant as ever, hoping his flush couldn’t be heard - his tan skin already helping to hide it visibly.

“Cuocuo… I- we,” Mu Qing unexpectedly stumbled upon his words and turned toward Cuocuo instead, his voice melting into an unusually innocent tone. “Cuocuo, show daddy what you learned today. Who did you want to see?"

Feng Xin fastly blinked his eyes, not quite understanding the scene before him. How could such an indifferent expression match that sugary voice? But the other continued as nothing amiss.

“Who did we come to see, Cuocuo?” 

The sweetness in his voice was tastable on Feng Xin’s tongue and he suddenly felt uncomfortably warm, even nauseous - like when you forget yourself in the shower and come out like a raisin desperate for water, which is just so ironic because you literally stood under water for the past half an hour, and you need to sit down to-

“Dada,” Cuocuo finally expressed between his giggles. 

Feng Xin’s world stopped for a second, that tiny little word the only thing echoing out loud in his mind. All thoughts from before dissolved, only a heartwarming joy rising from his toes reaching up to his watering eyes. What the hell, was he really about to cry? 

“Yes, it’s daddy. We came to see daddy,” Mu Qing looked stupidly proud of the baby on his arm - (ridiculous how his arm so big it made Cuocuo look even smaller) - and totally unaware of the other man on the brink of tears. 

“Say it again,” Feng Xin finally regained his senses.

“Yeah, we came to see daddy,” Mu Qing still spoke softly, dandling Cuocuo on his arm.

“No, I- I meant, Cuocuo,” slightly taken aback but still too focused on the child. “Cuocuo, please say it again."

Mu Qing was immediately snapped out of his baby-stupor but before he could explain or apologize a group of Feng Xin’s students had walked up to them.

“Is this the child you’ve been talking about, Mr. Feng?” one of the girls spoke to Feng Xin yet eyes turned away on the baby instead. 

“He’s so cute, looks just like you,” the girls smiled at the baby, making silly faces and sounds to make him giggle. 

Cuocuo was remarkably alike Feng Xin. Tiny auburn curls on his head, big golden eyes, a certain shade to his skin. Only his petite size resembled that of his mother. 

“And you must be Mr. Feng’s boyfriend?” the bravest of the girls finally looked up at Mu Qing who was towering above them, seemingly indifferent to their presence and most recent question. 

Feng Xin, on the other hand, laughed nervously behind them, “No, no. He’s… Mr. Mu is my neighbor and has been babysitting Cuocuo for the past week. I- I told you Cuocuo’s been sick. He’s all better now, as you can see, so they came to pick me up.”

To distract himself, Feng Xin took Cuocuo in his arms, unable to look Mu Qing, or anyone else, in the eyes. The girls didn’t seem too convinced but they let it slide for this time as they stepped out of the classroom excited for the weekend to start. 

“Haha, sorry about that. You know how today’s youth can be, curious about everything.”

“Curiosity is good,” Mu Qing seemed to be unmoved by the event just now. “Hope I didn’t cause you any trouble.”

“No, no. Not at all, thank you for coming to pick me up! Friday rush hour at the subway is just the worst.”

Any rush hour at the subway was the worst, really - Feng Xin thought what a dumb point it had been to say. 

“Why don’t you get a car?”

“Ehm… you see, I don’t have a license. And having a child is already expensive and time-consuming enough, especially when you aren’t quite prepared..." awkward about the topic and still not fully recovered from before Feng Xin quickly changed the subject. "But shit, Cuocuo learned his first word today!”

“You shouldn’t swear when Cuocuo is around.” 

Mu Qing’s deadpan exclamation caught Feng Xin off guard in his state of amazement, but sure he got a point. 

Feng Xin was in a very talkative mood today and Mu Qing was forced to explain in great detail how and when and why Cuocuo had said his first word ( _dada_ ). 

Truth to be told, it wasn’t anything unordinary - Mu Qing had mentioned daddy and Cuocuo had repeated. Simple as that, yet it took the entire drive home and for the dinner to get ready before Feng Xin was satisfied with Mu Qing’s retelling. 

They ate together after which Mu Qing left for work. Now Feng Xin had learned that Mu Qing was in fact the co-owner of Black Water, an infamous nightclub with some peculiar rumours. Feng Xin had never been there so he could neither confirm or deny anything. 

But what he could confirm, on the other hand, was that his neighbor was not some spoiled rich kid. All that pomp and extravagance was the direct result of nothing but years of arduous efforts. 

Learning of his neighbor’s all but comfortable childhood, Feng Xin felt slightly ashamed for judging him too quickly. Between the two, himself was the spoiled rich kid… 

As Feng Xin had expected, he didn’t see his neighbor for the entire weekend. But why would he? Feng Xin didn’t have work and Cuocuo was no longer sick, and of course Mu Qing had a life of his own. It wasn’t like they were friends - barely friendly neighbors, only since this week at that. 

Like so, Feng Xin was back to living his single-dad life with Cuocuo cooped up in their little apartment, content with each other's sole company. 

Truthfully, this was not exactly how he had expected his life to be at the age of thirtytwo. He had moved here eight years ago as he was offered a TA position at the high school. Happy to have a stable job and a nice apartment, Feng Xin was even proud to have left his wild days of college behind. Now instead dreaming of a well-organized and purposeful life (not the drunk-hungover-sleep-repeat). 

It wasn’t a big apartment complex he had moved into, and he got well along with the elderly ladies living there. There was only one other resident in his age - a few years older - but they seldom crossed paths. 

So Feng Xin and Mu Qing had never been friends, but they had always acted civilized on those few occasions. What then happened?

Almost every extended weekend Feng Xin would take the two hour train to visit his best friend, Xie Lian. They had known each other since childhood and still to this day he cannot understand why he had felt so crestfallen the first time he met Xie Lian’s boyfriend. Sure this Hua Cheng seemed slightly… odd, but he treated Xie Lian more than well enough. 

Either way, that first night Feng Xin had drunk more than usual and ended up spending the night with a stranger.

This stranger was Jian Lan, Cuocuo’s mother-to-become. Because what was supposed to be only a drunken one-night-stand suddenly changed when Jian Lan took the initiative showing up outside Feng Xin’s door.

Jian Lan was a good and pretty woman, and clearly ambitious. Feng Xin did not care for people's background and she seemed like an honest girl, so Feng Xin welcomed this bubbly persona into his orderly life. 

Sure he was content with his life before, but he wasn’t ignorant to the lack of warmth and intimacy he secretly longed for. Jian Lan filled that gap. 

Their relationship quickly blossomed and Feng Xin found himself soon head over heels for her. Sooner than later he had gone down on one knee, which Jian Lan gladly accepted. 

Being responsible adults, they planned to marry when they had saved up enough money, not wanting to hurry. The two love birds seemed to have everything planned and ready. 

Then one day Jian Lan showed up with that blackandwhite sonogram in her hand.

What had been a few years living as a happy couple, unexpectedly came crumbling down in the blink of an eye. Feng Xin believed it was simply the pregnancy that made Jian Lan so difficult, positive that everything would turn back for the better once the child was born. 

Despite his challenging and unpredictable temper, Xie Lian often reproached Feng Xin for being too kind for his own good. And indeed, maybe that was Feng Xin’s biggest flaw and mistake.

However, the fateful pinnacle only occurred after Cuocuo was born… Cuocuo was barely two months old when Feng Xin woke up to half of their shared closet being cleaned out and all other of Jian Lan’s belongings gone (later he found some in the trash outside). 

All that was left was a futile little note;

[ I’m out. ]

No apology, no explanation. Nothing. Two words - not even making fully sense. 

Feng Xin spent a few weeks trying every means to find her (and with the help of some family ties, this included quite a lot of options). But taking care of a newborn child turned out to occupy most of his mind and energy, and soon Feng Xin stopped looking for her altogether.

Due to the sudden change, he was forced to take a leave of absence from work until Cuocuo was old enough for daycare. Luckily, one of the elderly neighbors had contacts at the daycare, and Cuocuo got a fastpass in. 

In less than a year, Feng Xin’s entire life had been turned upside down. Thirtytwo years old single father to a forty-six week old child. 

But Feng Xin wouldn’t change anything. Cuocuo could be a royal pain in the ass, costing Feng Xin valuable hours of sleep and sanity - but Feng Xin loved Cuocuo more than anything, more than his pathetic life itself. Cuocuo was the only thing keeping Feng Xin going at this point. 

And now Mu Qing, how did he fit into the picture? Somewhere along the way those few civilized encounters had turned into curses and bothered eyerolls. Avoiding each other like the pest. So why was Mu Qing acting so friendly now? Feng Xin hadn’t had time to think about it until now. 

* * *

Everything seemed to turn back to normal. Cuocuo was allowed to return to daycare and Feng Xin returned to eating instant ramen and takeaway after a long day of teaching. It was just the two of them again.

He did run into Mu Qing every now and then, exchanging polite words and simple life updates. He even invited Mu Qing for dinner a couple of times (more like Feng Xin invited Mu Qing to make dinner for him). 

Maybe all wasn’t back to ‘normal’ - especially not the old and cold normal.

During one of those dinners together, Mu Qing suggested Feng Xin should take (he actually said ‘deserves’ but Feng Xin decided to ignore that particular phrasing) a break one weekend, inviting him to Black Water. 

It was ages since Feng Xin had gone out, occupied with grading papers or changing diapers (and perhaps some apprehension after the last outing *coughJianLancough*). Eventually he decided one night out should be harmless, he did want a little break, and the elrderly ladies were more than happy to babysit Cuocuo for one night. 

“I feel… underdressed,” Feng Xin felt uncharastically self-conscious sitting in Mu Qing’s lamborghini. 

Someone would say Mu Qing looked intimidating - even dangerous - but his unique beauty was undeniable. Now with his big silver hair partly braided, the rest in a messy bun - embellished with shimmering metallic jewelry, matching those hanging from his ears. His naturally obsidian eyes framed by heavy eyeliner, exceptionally prominent on that porcelain pale face. 

Feng Xin had styled his hair and tried to dress more carefree and young, yet compared to Mu Qi-

“You look great, don’t worry.”

Mu Qing’s simple answer replaced Feng Xin’s self-consciousness with an odd tingling feeling and a nervousness creeped up his fingertips. 

Black Water was a highly attractive nightclub, and tonight was nothing out of the ordinary. Mu Qing escorted Feng Xin past the almost neverending line outside; feeling like a guest of honor, a celebrity, as everyone looked at them with big eyes of equal jealousy and awe. 

They went straight backstage. He was introduced to the other co-owner, Hexuan. Apparently Mu Qing and Hexuan were acquainted since their adolescent years. Starting off on the wrong foot (meaning bloody knuckles and blue shaded ribs) they somehow managed to settle their grudges and started this business. 

If Mu Qing looked dangerous, Hexuan was absolutely terrifying. He was as big as Mu Qing and also tattooed from head to toe. But there was a weight in his eyes that sent shivers down your spine and his ravenblack hair oozed of an ominous aura causing everyone to take a step back. The way he moved was unhurried but tenacious. 

But his low voice was calm and kind, and whenever that small person was named or appeared - that person not showing any sign of fear toward the big man - something soft lit up inside him.

Shi Qingxuan was their name, and Hexuan’s partner. 

Mu Qing had explained on the way that Qingxuan had a rather rough background (and Mu Qing saying someone has a dark past, already says a lot), and so Feng Xin was surprised to meet such a bright and unfaltering person, carrying a extraordinary spirit enough to make up for all those scars on their body. 

Shi Qingxuan was truly a ray of sunshine, and Feng Xin was stunned (and slightly jealous?) to see how gentle Hexuan turned the moment Shi Qingxuan was around. Somehow, in this imperfect and crude world, they had found a safe haven in each other. 

Qingxuan, who was the establishment makeup artist (and occasional drag queen), showed great interest in Feng Xin’s chiseled bone structure - such sharp jawline and definite cheekbones - and not to mention his big glistening eyes. Before Feng Xin realized, he had already agreed to come another time to receive a transformation from them. 

Mu Qing dragged him along before that another time turned into now. Although Feng Xin hoped to meet them again, he felt rather grateful this time to avoid such a transformation on his first night out. 

Following Mu Qing like an obedient puppy, he was handed a glass of champagne and before soon he had already emptied the first glass and was sipping on his second. 

And those peculiar rumours? Partly true. 

Black Water was a legitimate establishment, proper and clean. However, Black Water was not your regular nightclub - it was a distinguished stripclub (Mu Qing rolled his eyes at the name ‘stripclub’, and explained Black Water was a _showclub_ \- very much sounding like this wasn't the first time he had to explain the difference). 

With a set schedule of theme nights - including cabaret, cancan, drag shows, concerts, and indeed stripshows too - Black Water offered an unique nightlife experience with outstanding entertainment and a high class menu. This was a place only for those with manners and money (or the right connections, like being friends with the owner. They are friends, aren’t they?). 

After running around for a while Feng Xin was eventually given his own little booth to relax at while Mu Qing had some more business to attend to. 

The club wasn’t too spacious - big enough for a bar, a stage, and comfortable seatings, but small enough to give off that luxurious feeling of an exclusive experience. 

Tonight happened to be the night assigned for different strip performances and Feng Xin was entranced in the meticulous movements of the dancers. Their promiscuity was evident, but there was nothing dirty about it, rather an immaculate skill and thoughtfulness. 

Feng Xin had lost count of how manieth glass of champagne he was holding, but he wasn’t too worried as he had never been a lightweight and this was his first night out in a while - he was allowed to let loose a little. Wasn't he? 

Caught in the alluring beats of the music and the mesmerizing movements of halfnaked bodies, accompanied by a light buzz in his head and warmth sipping through his veins, the room suddenly turned dark.

It was pitchblack, except for one lonely spotlight on the stage. In that spotlight was a chair, and in that chair sat a man. His face was covered by a black hat. Only wearing a pair of leather pants, straining across his muscular thighs, sitting dangerously low at the hips, and right under, revealing a shadow of a proud manhood.

Feng Xin swallowed hard. Those tattoos looked too familiar. 

The moment Mu Qing lifted his hat and his body started to move, the entire room exploded in whistles and encouraging screams. Feng Xin sat mouth agape, throat dry as a desert.

“He hasn’t performed in years,” Hexuan’s low voice startled Feng Xin. “He’s a legend in the world of male strippers. Many of our guests have been coming here for years hoping to see him perform even once.”

Hexuan spoke like he was talking to himself, eyes admiring the stage. Also Feng Xin was unable to avert his gaze, almost like entranced, only breathing a puff of air in what can closest be called a recognition. The two new acquaintances watched the remaining performance in silence. One proudly reminiscent, the other in utter disbelief and bewilderment, both feeling equal admiration. 

Calling his neighbor a man of the night wasn’t all too unreasonable now thinking about it - although this was not what Feng Xin had meant by it. 

The whistles and screams continued long after the performance ended and Feng Xin chugged his glass of champagne in one go, trying to get rid of the scorching drought in his throat that extended to the rest of his body feeling unnaturally hot. 

* * *

Already more than a week had passed since the night at Black Water. It had been a great night, a little too great even, because everything after Mu Qing’s performance was merely a blur. 

Feng Xin had woken up with a killer headache and still could only remember bits and pieces. But Mu Qing never brought up that night again, so Feng Xin thought it best to remain silent too. 

They returned to their own routines, friendly chatter, occasional dinners. Sometimes Mu Qing picked up Cuocuo from daycare before picking up Feng Xin from school. His students were both happy and rather curious about this tattooed hottie showing up every now and then but Feng Xin had nothing to tell them. 

And then one day Feng Xin came home to find half of his apartment flooded. A pipe had burst and he was forced to move out for the time being. Stranded outside his apartment, lost in what to do, once again unable to reach Xie Lian (fuck you Hua Cheng for always occupying my best friend), Mu Qing had appeared at the nick of time.

He had firmly invited Feng Xin and Cuocuo to stay with him until their apartment was renovated. Feng Xin wanted to find any reason to decline, but he could only admit that this was the most practical option available (one of the grannies had invited him too, but that just felt… cumbersome). 

Thus all of a sudden the three found themselves unexpectedly living under the same roof. 

It wasn’t too strange however. Mu Qing’s apartment was bigger and so had an extra room for Feng Xin and Cuocuo. Feng Xin was away in the days and Mu Qing in the nights. In the end, it wasn’t much of a change for either of them. And Cuocuo seemed surprisingly content, too.

So why was Feng Xin looking so depressed lately?

Gingerly Mu Qing tried to find out what was wrong but Feng Xin kept insisting he was fine. And whenever Mu Qing tried to push for more, Feng Xin sneered back with a row of unfriendly choice of words. 

Mu Qing felt helpless, the only thing left to do was carry on as nothing. He hated that solution, but didn't know any better either. He wasn’t all too good with human relations. 

It was a day like any other. By now Mu Qing picked up Cuocuo and Feng Xin almost every day (out of convenience for living under the same roof, Mu Qing insisted). Today Mu Qing had been out running errands and honestly it was more convenient to first drive by the high school this time. 

Debating whether to wait in the car or meet Feng Xin inside, Mu Qing now found his way toward his classroom. It was strange, being there without Cuocuo. 

He could hear the sound of chatter from down the hall, it sounded like adults and not students. Moreover, the closer he got, it seemed to be coming from Feng Xin’s classroom. 

“Teacher’s are supposed to set a good example for their students.”

“Exactly. I’ve heard the principal has received several calls from concerned parents.”

“Not all of my students have two parents,” a familiar voice was heard among the others.

“Well that is unfortunate for them, but a dead parent and a runaway parent are two very different realities.”

"That's ver-" the familiar voice trying to refute that utterly disrespectful statement was cut off. 

“You can’t even make your fiancé stay, how are the parents to believe you can make your students listen?”

“Our spotless school now has a stained reputation thanks to you.” 

“It’s the principal’s call so I don’t see-” the familiar voice was interrupted once more.

“Of course it’s the principal's decision. We’re just saying you should be more mindful of being so open about your failed private life.”

“An unwanted child is nothing to brag about.”

“Say whatever you want about me, but I won’t allow you to talk about Cuocuo like that!” spitting it out in one breath, Feng Xin’s voice was evidently tired, on the brink of cracking, but remaining composed. 

“That’s not what we meant. But don’t you think he deserves a mother?”

A darkclad, tattooed figure appeared in the doorway at this moment. 

“He has a mother.”

The harsh voice cold as ice, choking any following words from the others. Mu Qing walked resolutely over to Feng Xin’s side, comfortingly draping one arm around his waist.

Even Feng Xin was taken aback by this new threatening aura. He looked calm, but the way Mu Qing’s words resonated and the way he carried himself, Feng Xin had never experienced it before and it made the other teachers crawl back into their shameful shells.

“Ah… we were - we only…”

Mu Qing’s obsidian eyes had by now turned five shades darker, like a black hole swallowing anything moving too close. Fear and shame drowning the other teachers, unable to open their judging mouths anymore. 

“Feng Xin is far a better father than any of you will ever be,” Mu Qing’s tone remained disturbingly calm but sharp - like a saber cutting through ice - sending shivers down Feng Xin’s paralyzed body. 

The teachers left hurriedly, Mu Qing’s gaze following them ever until they were far out of reach. Finally calming down, he realized the person in his embrace had tugged both arms around him.

“What you doing?” Mu Qing gingerly asked the man now flush against his chest.

“Shut up,” Feng Xin mumbled into Mu Qing’s shirt. “Just… let me stay like this for a while.”

Wordlessly Mu Qing wrapped his other arm around too, guardedly tightening the embrace, not letting go until the other pushed him away again. 

The car ride home was quiet, only Cuocuo babbling now and then. Feng Xin thanked for the ride before retreating to their room with Cuocuo. 

Mu Qing hesitated what to do but eventually let him be. 

Part of him felt at fault for the events of today. He’s been so persistent in showing up with Cuocuo at Feng Xin’s place of work. It is his fault that everyone was now so aware of Feng Xin’s private situation. 

Feng Xin doesn’t come out for dinner and Mu Qing contemplates whether to knock on his door or not. Afraid that he could wake up a sleeping Cuocuo, he leaves it be and instead sets aside a plate for Feng Xin if he gets hungry later. 

With this anxious feeling Mu Qing cannot bring himself to leave for work. He briefly explains the situation to Hexuan who is more than understanding, encouraging his friend to sort things out before coming back to work (besides it's not necessary for both the owners to be there every night).

Mu Qing stays in the living room the entire evening, lying on the sofa, unable to focus on the book in his hand or any show replaying on the TV. He’s almost fallen asleep when he can sense a presence nearby. 

Feng Xin is sitting on the floor by his head. A strange semblance in his eye that Mu Qing cannot read. 

“Did I wake you?”

Mu Qing shakes his head as he sits up, “You hungry?”

They move to the kitchen as Mu Qing reheats tonight’s dinner and watches Feng Xin eat. Struggling with a tumultuous inner conflict, Mu Qing finally opens his mouth;

“I’m sorry, Feng Xin. Those teachers had no right to say those things, and such false accusations at that...

“But hadn’t I come to your high school so often with Cuocuo, they wouldn’t be talking that much. I know there’s nothing I can do at this point, but I just hope you know I never meant for this to happen. You are a great father to Cuocuo, and it’s their incompetence if they aren’t able to see that.”

Feng Xin listened without a word, slowly eating but never stopping, eyes lingering downward on the plate. This pointless bullying had been going on before Mu Qing showed up in the picture - Feng Xin wanted to reassure him of that, but the words got stuck in a strange turmoil of anger and gratitude. 

It didn't help that Mu Qing was suddenly equally quiet. He’s never been good with people, emotions, words - and he was already regretting, afraid it all had came out the wrong way again.

The misunderstandings were thriving when Feng Xin finally looked up, tears pooling in his eyes. He’s expression painted with ghastly pain, and for a second Mu Qing forgot how to breathe.

“Why- why are you so kind to me, Mu Qing?” Feng Xin’s voice trembled, and the tears couldn’t be stopped from falling anymore. “I’ve never been anything but awful to you and yet you shower me with nothing but kindness. You give and give and give, but you never get anything in return. I take you for granted, like a spoiled kid who cannot see human worth. So why?”

Why aren't you leaving me, Mu Qing? That question remained unsaid.

The shaky breathed words shook Mu Qing off balance and it took him a moment to regain his senses to speak. 

All those feelings he had believed to be too selfish to reveal, now surged up to the surface with a violent force, dangerously out of control. Silently cursing himself for being so greedy, so selfish, for being completely unable to control his heart when the other is clearly in pain.

“Because I like you.”

Feng Xin didn't seem to give too much weight to those few words, almost as if treating them as a joke; “Huh… Why?”

Why? Mu Qing doesn’t know. Maybe because Mu Qing liked the shining light around Feng Xin wherever he went; how his eyes reminded Mu Qing of flickering candles in the autumn night, his auburn locks resembling that cosy warmth; or how he approached everyone with so much heart and joy, even making the old ladies dream again… 

Maybe because Feng Xin was the only person able to make Mu Qing's heart beat deeper and clearer. 

Mu Qing honestly hated how they had fallen apart at some point over the years, but even so, he appreciated every moment Feng Xin had been around. Even the short glance of Feng Xin, could calm Mu Qing's wildest nightmares. 

“I- I don’t know. Because you’re a good father and a hardworking teacher, you’re kind to our neighbors and to people who aren’t even deserving of that kindness. Because you-”

“Not deserving of my kindness?” Feng Xin interrupted, scoffing disbelievingly. “You mean Jian Lan? That's true, you’ve met her.”

Mu Qing cursed himself again for his careless tendency to always say the wrong things. That doubtful expression in front of him, made him want to punch something - or crawl into the ground - or kiss him til he shuts up. 

“Yes but what I’m-”

He gets interrupted again.

“And when did you discover that kindness you speak of? When I spit bane in your face and avoided you like the plague? Or when I rejected your every attempt of being civilized but took advantage of it whenever I was screwed? When did I ever show you kindness you speak so highly of?”

“No-”

“What’s so fucking likable about me? Nothing. I’m just a fucking failure carrying on a heavy load of pitiful luck. So stop that shitty nonsense before you’ve dug your own grave. You can consider this warning as my ultimate kindness.”

Feng Xin put his empty plate in the dishwasher and retrieved to his room. However he didn’t make it far before he was slammed into the wall with great strength. 

“So what if I’m digging my own grave, that’s my fucking choice to make. My choice, and I choose to like you - there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

“Huh… I didn’t think you’d be this stupid,” Feng Xin sucked in a harsh breath, slightly suffering from being slammed into the wall. 

“Call me stupid, selfish, naive, whatever. If that’s what you think of me - then, fine. But it doesn’t change the fact that I _like_ you. I’m not forcing you to like me back but I can’t escape how I feel. I’ve tried for years, and look where it’s gotten me - us.”

Mu Qing felt his cheeks burning, his heart beating unnaturally fast. He had no intention of harming Feng Xin - but for some reason flashes of his violent youth reappeared making his head go all numb and dizzy. 

“For years,” Feng Xin huffs out a laugh. “-you truly are an idiot, Mu Qing. I really thought you were smarter than that. ”

Under Mu Qing’s strong arm that pressed Feng Xin against the wall, he could feel the body shaking. 

Feng Xin was suddenly laughing while tears streamed down his cheeks. Mu Qing was at loss of what to do as he slowly felt the body go relax against the wall. The pulsing shakes of laughter turned into trembling shivers as the tears changed into loud sobs. 

Painstakingly, regrettably - oblivious to what else to do - Mu Qing started kissing away the pearlsized tears smeared on that wretched looking face. 

“Sleep with me tonight, please sleep with me, Mu Qing,” Feng Xin sobbed through his tears. 

* * *

That night - along with what happened after they returned home from Black Water - was added to the list of things never talked about again. They continued their daily life like nothing had happened, and Mu Qing never repeated those three words again. There were times when Feng Xin crawled up beside Mu Qing when he returned in the late night and there were times they caved into their bodily desires. 

And as time went by, Feng Xin finally grew warmer towards Mu Qing’s feelings. They never talked about it - afraid to unsheath those hurtful words again - but their touch and gaze and mere presence around each other said most of it instead. 

It was the weekend of Cuocuo’s second birthday and the three of them had cooped up inside the apartment for the entire weekend. Feng Xin’s apartment was ready to move back into, but the two still stayed more often than not at Mu Qing’s. 

Sprawled out on the floor on a mountain of blankets and pillows (they had tried to build a fortress but were sorely unsuccessful), Mu Qing reluctantly got up to the doorbell ringing. 

Expecting one of the elderly ladies to come bearing gifts and wishing Cuocuo a happy birthday, Mu Qing was not prepared to meet this person.

“Ehm… I’m looking for Feng Xin, and one of the grannies told me to come here. I don’t know if you remember me- Is Feng Xin here?” a familiar, coyish voice inquired.

“Mu Qing, who's at the door? Tell them to come in, we still have some cake left,” Feng Xin yelled from the living room, oblivious to the identity of the person standing at the door. 

Without a word the person walked past Mu Qing and straight into the apartment. He wanted to stop her, but thought it wasn’t his place to make that decision. 

“Here you are. Ah… both of you.”

The unexpected voice startled Feng Xin who shot up from the floor.

“J-Jian Lan?”

“Long time no seen,” she smiled in an amusing tone. 

“Huh,” Feng Xin couldn’t believe she was here - and that was all she had to say.

Thankfully Mu Qing returned to the room and Feng Xin picked up Cuocuo quickly skipping over to his comforting side.

“Here for Cuocuo’s birthday?” Mu Qing tried his best to remain neutral while filling the tense silence. 

“Oh, I had forgotten his birthday. Happy birthday.”

“You should say it to him, not me,” Mu Qing clenched his hands hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. 

Jian Lan only laughed at his remark, “How are you, Xin-xin?”

Mu Qing was about to burst at her audacity to use that pet name after all she had done, but this time Feng Xin was quicker to act - and much more calmer in his reaction. 

“You’re not going to ask how your son is doing?”

“Ah- I mean, he seems to be doing okay,” the obviously strained smile on her lips never faltered. 

“So how are you doing then? Still a horrible mother I see,” Feng Xin had finally had enough of the forced amity. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I just happened to be in town and thought I should come say hello,” her sugarcoated act continued without a flaw. “I see you’ve moved on quite nicely.”

“The fuck you mean by that?” Feng Xin hadn’t actually planned to ask that, the question incautiously slipped out. 

“You don’t think of him as a manwhore anymore?”

“I’ve never called him that, and you know it,” Feng Xin wholeheartedly regretted asking anything.

“Whatever. You obviously fancy him now… Funny how things can change. So, has he told you why I left?”

“He’s got nothing to do with that,” it took Feng Xin a second too long to answer.

“Oh Xin-xin you’re still as clueless as ever.”

“Don’t call me that,” Feng Xin’s voice was steady but his heart was starting to feel alarmingly uneasy. 

“Mu Qing, you never told your boyfriend you’re the reason why his fiancé left?”

“That’s not true,” Mu Qing hissed through his teeth. 

“Fucking hell.. give up already, won't you. There’s no need for this shit. What do you need? Money? A place to stay? Just say it,” Feng Xin was getting really uncomfortable in this situation and Cuocuo seemed to be sensing it too, quietly whimpering in his arms.

“Fine. Saying he’s the reason might have been an exaggeration, but he did tell me to leave you - and so I did.”

“Stop those lies now and-”

“But I’m not lying,” Jian Lan interrupted a little too confidently to be a made-up lie. “Mu Qing, won’t you tell him?”

“Yeah, tell her to shut up and leave,” for some reason Feng Xin was too afraid to look up at Mu Qing, who he clearly could feel was staring at him.

“Mu Qing, am I lying?” Jian Lan continued mischievously.

The two seconds of silence felt like an eternity, during which neither Feng Xin or Mu Qing were able to breathe. Only Jian Lan was proudly beaming, realizing she had hit the jackpot.

“Mu Qing, please tell me,” Feng Xin finally took the courage and turned towards Mu Qing.

“She’s telling the truth,” Mu Qing finally sighed deeply. “I told her to leave you.”

Feng Xin held his breath as he closed his eyes to collect himself. 

“Why did you do that?”

“Why are you asking him such-”

“Shut up!” Feng Xin's raised voice scared Cuocuo in his arms who started quietly crying. He continued more composedly. “I asked Mu Qing.”

“Because she wasn’t deserving of you,” Mu Qing shortly stated.

“And do you have the right to make such decision for me?”

Mu Qing took a breath before he agreed with Feng Xin’s sentiment, “No.”

“That’s right. So why did you do it?”

“Seriously, Xin-xin? Why are you still-”

“I told you not to call me by that name and to hold your mouth shut,” Feng Xin raised his voice again before resuming more calmly. “Mu Qing, continue.”

“Because she was cheating on you.”

“For fucks sake, are you seriously going to listen to these lies? He’s been lying to you all this time.”

Her words were too fast for Feng Xin to calmly cut off, but he did sense a certain agitation in her tone. 

“Is that so, Mu Qing? How can you be so sure?” Feng Xin moved to ignore his ex-fiancé and looked without a blink at the man beside him. 

“She came to Black Water on several occasions, often with different men,” Mu Qing explained the truth as shortly as he could. He didn’t want to hurt Feng Xin more than necessary. 

“And you never thought of telling this to me?”

“No.”

“But you thought it was okay to tell my fiancé to leave me alone with a newborn child?”

“...No.”

Mu Qing’s aching regret was exploding in his head like a white noise screen of a broken TV. Of course Mu Qing had thought about telling Feng Xin about all the men his girlfriend was spending her nights with, so many times he had planned how he would bring it up. But he could never bring himself to actually do it… 

It had begun the very moment Jian Lan moved here, but quite frankly Mu Qing didn’t think much about it back then. It wasn't the first time he witnessed cheating bastards - and it wasn’t like Feng Xin was a friend. 

But as it continued and the men kept on changing, Mu Qing started feeling distressed about the situation and finally approached Jian Lan about it. She had only laughed in his face, fully self-assured Mu Qing wouldn’t share her secret, even going as far as presumptuously asking whether he would be interested in some company for the night. 

And she was right, he never dared reveal the truth to Feng Xin. For reasons Mu Qing wasn’t quite sure why. Then when she eventually got knocked up - ignoring the nagging doubt of the true paternality (though, seeing Cuocuo now, Mu Qing didn’t doubt even for a second) - he believed she would finally change her ways. But oh how wrong he was.

Only shortly after giving birth, but already showing up with a second man, Mu Qing had finally had enough. One night he eventually gave her an ultimatum - leave Feng Xin, or he’d tell him everything.

To this day, Mu Qing was still unable to tell him everything, too deep in shame and cowardness, too hesitant to hurt him. 

Feng Xin reached for his wallet, took out a bundle of bills and handed them to Jian Lan.

“Take these, leave now, and this time, never come back.”

Jian Lan had come back with the intent to swoon back Feng Xin for the time being - (she had run into a certain trouble with another man and was in need of a place to rest and some extra cash) - but seeing this new situation she had changed her initial plans. 

Now seemingly satisfied with how her visit had turned out - finding perverse joy in the agony of these two men, and not complaining about the extra bundle of cash - Jian Lan left with a victorious smile. 

The door opened and shut with a clink. 

“I’ll be going too,” Feng Xin coolly declared. 

Mu Qing had lost his chance both for an explanation or even an apology. He could only quietly watch as Feng Xin packed the last of his things and moved back into his own apartment. 

He had no right to beg him to stay, no matter how he ached to cry and cling and beg. No, Mu Qing realized he had never had any rights to ask him to stay. 

* * *

Mu Qing wasn’t all too surprised when the moving truck arrived a few weeks later and Feng Xin’s apartment was emptied out. They hadn’t run into each other except a mere few times, and he understood Feng Xin wouldn’t want to see him any more than that.

It was an irrefutable fact that Mu Qing had lied for years. An unforgivable act. Yet, Mu Qing had been selfish and even dared utter those three words. Feng Xin had been defenseless - not finding a reason not to trust Mu Qing, even started to believe his three words.

Maybe Xie Lian was right - Feng Xin was too kind. Too kind to people not deserving of his kindness. Forgetting to be kind to himself. He realized he hadn’t thought of himself in ages - maybe all could have been avoided if he was kinder to himself, too. 

Feng Xin didn’t move far away, he loved his job and Cuocuo was in a good daycare. But that building was filled with too many unwanted memories. 

Shi Qingxuan reached out a while later and Feng Xin agreed to meet them and Hexuan. Feng Xin explained everything that had happened, and finally he was told Mu Qing’s side of the story, all those things Mu Qing had been too cowardly to tell before. He patiently listened while his heart filled with a puzzling conflict. 

He thanked the couple for sharing the truth and told them to keep an eye on Mu Qing. He never asked how Mu Qing was doing and the two never told him anything of that kind. They never urged him to come back, to forgive Mu Qing, to forget the past. That’s what Feng Xin was most thankful for - they allowed Feng Xin to have his own feelings. 

Of course Feng Xin still loved Mu Qing and thought of him often. But he still found it difficult to prioritize his own heart over Cuocuo and his job. 

One of the worst bullies of the teachers was fired, as he was caught in a quite serious gambling scandal, and after that the other teachers seemed to look at Feng Xin more acceptingly. 

Cuocuo was growing quickly. Feng Xin was worried Cuocuo had become so quiet recently - he who used to scream until he passed out because he forgot to breathe, he who used to wail his arms like a possessed sword. Cuocuo was strangely inexpressive. 

However much the pediatricians comforted Feng Xin it was normal for young children to go through different mood stages, Feng Xin couldn’t stop worrying. But he was rather enjoying the change that had made Cuocuo more affectionate.

Sometimes it felt like that little child in fact was comforting Feng Xin, instead of the other way around. 

“Dada,” Cuocuo sitting in the shopping cart repeated the only word he still to this day knew to say as they walked along the vegetable aisle. 

Feng Xin had decided to cut down on takeout and instant ramen, he had started to make an effort to cook by himself more often now. While it wasn't worth even one Michelin star, he tried at least. 

“Yes, I’m dada. And dada is very very proud of Cuocuo, but dada also hopes Cuocuo would learn more words soon. You think you can do that?” Feng Xin cooed at his child.

“Dada.”

Sure there were reasons to wonder why a two-and-a-half year old only knew one word, but Feng Xin wasn’t worried (of course he was worried sick! No matter how much the pediatrician reassured him!). 

Cuocuo was healthy and smiling and more than capable of making Feng Xin feel loved. That’s all that matters, right? Feng Xin couldn’t but fondly beem at the child in his arms. 

When Jian Lan had left without a word, without a trace, Feng Xin wasn’t sure he would make it. When she returned and managed to shatter whatever relationship that had grown between him and Mu Qing, he was certain he wouldn’t make it. But throughout it all, Cuocuo had been there every day and Feng Xin was doing okay. 

Feng Xin was doing okay.

“Mama.”

Cuocuo’s adoring words startled both adults who had been totally engrossed in their grocery shopping, now stopped dead in their tracks due to a baby’s action. A tiny pointy finger linking the two. 

Following the line of Cuocuo’s finger, Feng Xin met the other’s eyes - dark obsidian, hiding light like a starry sky. 

His breath hitched at view of the stoic face. It had kept appearing in his dreams almost every night, but this wasn't a dream, was it?

The remarkably pale complexion was painted with a faint smile, a smile of equal pain and longing - like the pointed finger had created a string of last hope between the two. Those all too familiar obsidian eyes looked deep into Feng Xin, telling stories only he could understand. 

A hurt pierced Feng Xin’s heart, memories rising up in the back of his head. But not the memories of heartbreak and deceit, no. 

Feng Xin was suddenly reminded of the first day he moved into his apartment and a young kind man had helped him move his furniture. He remembered a sick Cuocuo finally peaceful at sleep on top of a broad chest. He remembered a desperately longing kiss against his front door upon return from Black Water and the first night they fell into their desires under crumpled sheets. 

Standing in the vegetable aisle face to face with that person, he remembered all the times he didn’t feel alone anymore. 

And in that moment Feng Xin understood - all those pieces of the puzzle finally falling into place creating a picture impossible to read, yet perfectly fitting together. Like when the world tries to go against two people meant to be, but their hearts always finding their way back, how the sun needs a little rain to create a beautiful rainbow. 

“Mama,” Cuocuo repeated.

“Yes, that’s mama,” Feng Xin sighed softly, a warm smile in his voice. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> (One day, I'm gonna give Jian Lan a happy ending too, but day is not today, today Jian Lan is a b*tch.)
> 
> So what do you think? This was actually supposed to be a sweet domestic!FengQing fic but somehow I ended up with this?


End file.
